In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Dick very happy bro
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
