TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I will be naked everywhere
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
did you just send me my own nude
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Randomize
