I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Dignity is for republicans.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
