Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
