I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
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