So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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