Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
