This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
