Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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