I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
