Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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