Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
