i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
