My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
