you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
