if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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