I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Randomize
