i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
