Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
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