just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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