You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
