Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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