My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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