Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
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