hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
