You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
