Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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