It's Friday. Sex?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
