i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
