Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
