he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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