Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
