I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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