This girl is more easily done than said...
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
