Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Randomize
