Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
