I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
