Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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