She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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