Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
