i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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