everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
