Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
