I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
