i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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