i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
When are your genitals available?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
