I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
