Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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