Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
