Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Girls should come with a carfax report
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
