dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Help. Why am I so naked?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
