i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
