The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
