ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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